endless_musings

It's been a long darn time since I have written in here. I don't even know if anyone reads this thing or not but it sure is therapeutic to get my thoughts out. So much has gone on since I last updated mostly in and out of crappy jobs that pay to little were not what they were advertised. Why do companies think it is okay to take advantage of people and treat them like garbage? I mean isn't there supposed to be a shortage of workers and yet they are still trying to pull this mess? I have decided that I will now only choose jobs that I am happy in and am treated well by the people I work for. I don't care what kind of job it is. I am giving up a work a home office position due to toxic clients and personnel. I do not regret my decision.

Since the start of the year, I have lost 4 people (3 due to cancer and the other due to heart issues) and it sucks so bad. Grief will eat you alive especially when you have no time to process one death before the next. This is another reason why I am looking into other options as far as work is concerned. I think it is more to that though I am really struggling to find balance in all aspects in my life. I feel like I am moving towards a new season in life and feel like so many of my thoughts and even interests are changing, sometimes I don't even really know who I am anymore.

I am going to spend the week looking for new employment and reconnecting with myself. I am not going to stress over much as I have really been struggling with triggers due to my complex PTSD, anxiety and depression. Some days are better than others, but I think I am starting from the bottom and staring my climb upward into a new positive direction. Thankfully I have the support of family and friends and that makes all the difference in the world.

I can't believe that it's already Tuesday this weekend flew by way to fast. Sunday PB and I went to Gatorland. Our annual passes expire next month and for now we are deciding not to renew them until possibly after the summer due to it being way to hot here in Florida to be hiking around the park and melting to death. We fed all the parakeets, Goats, sheep, cow and capybaras and visited some of favorite Gators. This place has been very good to us over the last year. Giving us a chance to be in public but yet be outside where it is a little safer and to also spend time in nature to get our exercise in. We always try to have lunch or buy a little of something to support the park. I hate how much the tourist industry is still suffering at the moment. This weekend we got lucky they had several local vendors out and we were able to buy all sorts of treats PB was able to try Mexican Street Corn for the first time, he of course loved it. We also had empanadas and fried plantains from another vendor which were amazing all hand made on the spot. I also purchased an Ornament that could double as a large necklace with a map of St. Augustine on it. It is so pretty and well made. The Girl who was selling them had a few wanderlust inspired items and was donating a percentage of her proceeds to victims of Human Trafficking. I had to support her and her cause. Before the pandemic I was looking into organizations to see if I could volunteer my time to help. This may be a good time to branch out and see where I can best put my efforts.

These last few days have been a little difficult I have been battling Chronic Fatigue due to my neurological disorder. I have been wanting to do nothing but sleep these last two days. I really hate all of this sometimes as it seems that I have one day of fun and I pay for it for three to four days. That sucks so much. However on the Brightside I have gotten smart and learned to use my crockpot and other hacks to get through these days until I have the energy to do more. It's hard sometimes when people don't understand what having an illness like this is like. That you don't always have the energy to go out and do a lot of things or never know how you will feel day to day. Making it hard to even plan things in advance. I try though and do what I can to live the best life for me.

The last few days at work have been pretty good. I had a challenging situation happen yesterday and my head manager stated that he was listening and watching to what I was doing to resolve the situation and he was impressed and that I handled things very well. I was over the moon with this because I do so many things behind the scenes that often management has no clue of to turn peoples days around. Not that I need the recognition but it's good for my manager to know the quality of work I do.

Going to try to end the night with a little bit of cleaning and a little TV time.
I am hoping Wednesday goes well. I really need a good work week this week as I battle through this illness. Hoping for the best.